The battle within.
I am an introvert and throughout my life I have struggled to gain acceptance and companionship with others. Not because I didn’t want to or because I was just way to awkward, well sometimes I was but because of fear. I had a Fear of being misunderstood and rejected. It was a difficult feeling to grapple with growing up, being completely comfortable being alone and studying whatever fascinated me at the moment which is why I picked up painting and drawing or music and now programming. They are all mostly individual pursuits and these skills weren’t honed with constant fervor and passion to impress others. No. They were simply endeavors to prove to myself my worth. It wasn’t necessary to put on a show. Matter a fact I found it down right crippling to place my talents in front of an audience. If I didn’t get the reaction I was hoping for and that I was watching their faces ever so intensely for, I would be crushed, but I didn’t need their approval to move forward.
Moving on and now that I am older and working my way through life. I have run up to many situations that challenge my introverted nature and It doesn’t help that I am soft spoken. It is difficult for others to take you seriously when you are soft spoken and its funny because my mother is very aggressive and loud and she always gets her way. I remember fighting against being that way as a child and now wishing I had the ability to be seen as more aggressive or more assertive.
I think the biggest challenge I have faced thus far is that knowing in order to make a successful career or a successful business I need to connect with others go out and be social and network and I look a that and I see a wall a 100 miles high with no ladder no stairs and no way around. The funny thing is that I can connect with the older generation. I know how to speak to them and I am interested in many topics that they enjoy, but I have difficulty connecting to my peers that have no interest in the subjects I enjoy. There have been many occasions where I don’t say much at all but listen to the conversations around me as if a window shopper peering in to a storefront.
In many ways I suppose this was the core purpose for beginning this blog. To find others with similar interests to connect to. To find a community. Are you introverted or extroverted? What are your experiences or struggles? How can we overcome our challenges in order to become more productive and live successful lives?